Each time I publish a post, I get a bit anxious about it first (duh), but I’m delighted to say that it’s getting better as time goes on.
It’s a great tool for me to tackle anxiety head on, and learn how to deal with negative emotions (anxiety actually helps us avoid feeling negative emotions. I know, go figure).
But no post has compared so far, to the anxiety I experienced when I first put the blog live.
I secretly wrote 3 posts initially, and had close friends and family check them out. I wanted to feel confident that I could see this through and keep up with the content, as putting myself out there then going quiet after 2 posts, would be embarrassing.
After writing the 3rd post I felt ready. Not ready to go live exactly, but ready to deal with the anxiety that I knew was going to occur because of going live. I was ready to find out what sort of responses I’d get, or lack of response, and see if I could handle it.
So I hit the Facebook post button! And I felt such a massive rush of anxiety and adrenaline I thought I might explode!
I messaged a couple of friends to release all the feelings, and to stop myself deleting the post:
One friend in particular saw the funny side in my meltdown:
Those still make me laugh so much!!
I waited a few minutes. Haha can’t believe I wrote that, I’m so lying! I waited all of 3 seconds, before refreshing the WordPress stats page.
Was anyone going to read it?
No views or comments in those first 3 seconds, obviously. But then they started to trickle through. Lots of lovely comments, and lots of views. People bravely coming forward to say they have had struggles too, and were so supportive of me taking the step to publicly raise my hand. I’m very grateful for all of your responses, thank you.
Each day since then has been an anxious ride….
What if people don’t like my next post as much? What if I offend someone? What if someone makes a nasty comment? What if only a few people like what I do? What if I’m posting too little? What if I’m posting too much? What pictures (?!) work best for this post? What if people say things about me behind my back?
Ahhhh the anxious brain. What if? What if? What if?
Well, I’m trying to answer those What if’s, with, “so feckin what!”.
In my eyes, I might fail. I might not get enough followers. I might not write quality posts. I might get nasty comments. People might gossip. But I want my mind to adjust to understanding that failing is OK. It is a completely normal part of life. It actually HAS to happen at some point. I can’t succeed at everything. As long as I learn something from each failure, it’s not really a failure, its a lesson.
So here’s to shitting more blog shaped bricks! Haha!
Shameless request for support!
If you like, share or comment on one of my posts via Facebook (or indeed WordPress), it increases it’s popularity ranking, placing it higher in news feeds and thus reaching more people. I’d be grateful for your continued support with your likes, comments and shares.
Either way, the blog continues to present opportunities for negative emotions to arise, that I get to practice feeling and dealing with, rather than diverting to anxiety. Hurray!